"From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." - Psalm 61:2
I guess all I want to say is that.. my heart is overwhelmed.
My heart likes to go on emotional roller coasters that I don't want to get on. But sometimes it's smart enough to not go on a roller coaster and just go on the Giant Drop, to just fall in order to bring me back to Him. I had a pretty heavy conversation with someone I really care about. I'm not going to dive into details, because that's between us and God. But, I have to admit. I really am on my knees in this.
It's not that I'm not against what the ending conversation was about. It's just that my heart still feels the sting from the process. What I'm most upset about is that I'm still feeling the sting. But I don't want that. But it wouldn't go away. I retreated to my room during lunch hour today and just wept. I felt really lonely. I felt inadequate. I wanted to see God's face before me. I opened my devotional book and lo and behold, it was titled "The Great Comforter".
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart." - Psalm 34:18
A crying heart proves how much I need the Lord. A crying heart proves that I'm human. A crying heart proves how much I care for them. A crying heart proves how much I want to change and be strong for them, but ultimately for the glory of the LORD.
I'm sorry that I've hurt them in ways I didn't intend. I'm sorry that I still feel the sting, I feel really lonely when that happened suddenly and I wasn't able to see them, and discuss in person like we've done before. I was a little heart broken by their tone (but typing is so impersonal). I know why they were stern because they care about me so much.
It's simply miscommunication. Miscommunication causes a lot of damage.
Had they explained and discussed everything and thoughts with me instead of just telling me, I probably wouldn't have taken it as harshly. Because the first time they laid it out sounded like they suddenly cut me off without context.
I guess the reason why I'm still crying here and there all day today, is because I just feel really lonely and pushed away. My roommate moved out so we could've had space. And then that happened, I had to go back to an empty room, where every sound echoed, and I felt just as empty. Because I felt like I wasn't allowed to see them anymore. I know that's not true.. but it felt that way when they first told me of their resolve.
What I desire so much now, is to just feel God's presence, His peace, and that He will grace me with his wisdom and discernment, to hear the difference between what He says as opposed to what other people say.
LORD, what am I supposed to feel now? Can we go back to how we were, but this time, under Your wisdom? I know we can. This is just a little bump in the road leading to You and what You intended for us. I'm only taking an extra day to get over it. There's just some potholes that I need to smooth over.
There is going to be peace. There is going to be love. There is going to be joy.
I believe in that with all my heart.
I believe with all of my heart that we will be grounded, in love with Christ.
The God who is mighty, sovereign, above all things, is the same God who loves romance.
LORD, I know that I'm feeling lonely and helpless now. But LORD I know that this is only temporary. Help me to focus on the future and on You, LORD. Help me not focus on these negative emotions and to remember LORD, You are good.
You are good, LORD.
I care about them so much.
They are proof that You are good and that You care.
Mold me, LORD, into the woman that You intended me to be.
My broken heart cries out, please give me peace.
It's simply miscommunication. Miscommunication causes a lot of damage.
Had they explained and discussed everything and thoughts with me instead of just telling me, I probably wouldn't have taken it as harshly. Because the first time they laid it out sounded like they suddenly cut me off without context.
I guess the reason why I'm still crying here and there all day today, is because I just feel really lonely and pushed away. My roommate moved out so we could've had space. And then that happened, I had to go back to an empty room, where every sound echoed, and I felt just as empty. Because I felt like I wasn't allowed to see them anymore. I know that's not true.. but it felt that way when they first told me of their resolve.
What I desire so much now, is to just feel God's presence, His peace, and that He will grace me with his wisdom and discernment, to hear the difference between what He says as opposed to what other people say.
LORD, what am I supposed to feel now? Can we go back to how we were, but this time, under Your wisdom? I know we can. This is just a little bump in the road leading to You and what You intended for us. I'm only taking an extra day to get over it. There's just some potholes that I need to smooth over.
There is going to be peace. There is going to be love. There is going to be joy.
I believe in that with all my heart.
I believe with all of my heart that we will be grounded, in love with Christ.
The God who is mighty, sovereign, above all things, is the same God who loves romance.
LORD, I know that I'm feeling lonely and helpless now. But LORD I know that this is only temporary. Help me to focus on the future and on You, LORD. Help me not focus on these negative emotions and to remember LORD, You are good.
You are good, LORD.
I care about them so much.
They are proof that You are good and that You care.
Mold me, LORD, into the woman that You intended me to be.
My broken heart cries out, please give me peace.
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