My Heart is a House

Here is a poem I came with tonight. I'd like to share it with you all :]


My heart is a house and the Lord is it's master.
My heart is a house and much love it will muster.

My heart is a house, it is often broken
but always it is rebuilt, stronger,
for friend, foe, and kin.

My heart is a house, it is humbly made
by the hands of a King and
my debt, He has paid.

My heart is a house, it welcomes all who I meet
compelling me to be a servant,
and wash all your feet.

My heart is a house, it can be a mess
trying to keep up with
the world and its stress.

My heart is a house, the Devil wants it to sway
to his false lies of love, but built on the Rock
my heart will forever stay.

My heart is a house, it can be childish
My heart is a house, it has but one wish

My heart is a house, it awaits for the Lord
it yearns to be strong and pure
to stand against storms and
to welcome blessings in store.

My heart is a house, even if you leave
know you have a place to return to
and I have my heart on my sleeve.

My heart is a house, and I will protect it
My heart is a house, and I will maintain it

My heart is a house, it's not much but...
My heart is a house,

and it welcomes you home.

Tattoos and a Seal of Ownership

My generation seems to be more into getting tattoos once they turn 18 or bodily piercings. I could be wrong in that this happens to other generations too, but I'm starting to see it a lot with some of my classmates from high school. I'm not saying it's a sin or anything to get tattoos or piercings, certainly not. I'm actually interested in tattoo designs and why people get them (I'm not very interested in piercings, so that's going to be left out of the discussion).

Yes, I've thought about if I was to ever get a tattoo, what would it be?
It would have to be something significant, something that I will stick with for the rest of my life (cause hey, it's going to stay there), something truly meaningful to me. People usually get tattoos of things they really care about, maybe in memory of someone: my geometry teacher in high school has an ankle tattoo of a Bible verse that was important to her late husband. A friend of mine got a tattoo last year on his back with a Bible verse as well. He also got it with his brother, so it was also a special bond between them.

Growing up, I never considered getting any tattoos, but now that I'm older, it sort of looks cool to have one. Maybe I'm just a little influenced by my generation or that I'm in an art school where it's normal to get a tattoo, just to have one. But I don't think there's anything particularly wrong in getting a tattoo. It's more about the reasons behind getting one.

There's a hymn that is sung at my church that is a favorite of mine and it's called, "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing". And just this recent Sunday, we sang this song together in a special InterVarsity hangout. There is a line in the last stanza that says this:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my hear, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

It really sticks out to me, that God places a seal on our hearts, a seal of ownership. Once we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit of God lives in us and is the seal of ownership to God. I always find this concept of having a seal placed upon me as reassuring, because that means that I will never fall from the hand of God. That He is watching over me, because now I forever belong to Him, and no longer to sin.

What I love is that, a seal might feel binding and restricting, but in the reality of the Gospel, this seal, is a seal to freedom from sin and a beautiful bondage and relationship to God, who so loved the people He created that He would sacrifice His only begotten Son to suffer our consequences, in order to claim us as His once again.

So bringing this all back to tattoos!

Going along with the seal theme, I'd thought it'd be cool to have a verse tattooed on possibly on my back, behind the shoulders that contained that message:

Ephesians 1:13-14

 "And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory."

I also thought it'd be cool to have the verse reference, or even the entire verse in Hebrew or Chinese. Reason being for Hebrew, going back to the Biblical roots as the language of the Jews (correct me if I'm wrong). Or Chinese, just an tribute to my heritage and also a praise that God reaches to all kinds of people and the growth of Christianity in China (or both! haha).

Other than Bible verses, there are some ideas for tattoos that I'd thought would be cool to have. Most of them influential of my Christian faith, but I guess that reminds me how important and central God is and needs to be in my life.

• Sparrow: a little brown sparrow would be cute. I'm thinking if I did, it'd be cuddling or sleeping behind my left shoulder. Here's the verse from which I took the inspiration:

Luke 12:5-7
"But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

•  Chinese character for forgiven: 
• I have a necklace that has the Chinese character that says forgiven (or forgiveness in general) that I got back in my last summer of Teen Camp (2011). I'd like it behind my neck, because forgiveness is always there, even though it's hard to see sometimes. This tattoo would be a reminder to myself that I am already forgive and that it's my responsibility to respond and repent for my mistakes. It may not be easy and I sin everyday, but I also have to remember, I am forgiven, and I need to keep moving forward. Also, this has a "turn the other cheek" allusion too. No matter how much I'm hurt, when I shake the dust off my feet from a fight, there's still forgiveness facing them as I walk away.
• 1 John 4:9-11: 
• This is one of my favorite verses. It echoes the Gospel and the famous John 3:16 verse, only worded differently. I like this verse because I feel it's more clear in context. Because,  I know for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life, but you know, do people really understand what this eternal life means and why we long to be eternally with God? That's why I really like referencing this verse. I'm not discrediting John 3:16 at all, just that 1 John 4:9-11 holds more meaning to me personally. I'd like to have the verse reference under my left wrist. Here's the verse:

1 John 4:9-11

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

• Lastly for now, I think a gentle tribal tattoo with a majestic lion:
• The lion holds a lot of meaning to me, actually. My name, Ariel, means "lion of God", and the name itself gives me a lot of encouragement, that I am strong, and I am His. In this case, for a tattoo the lion would reflect the peace and majesty of God. I kind of would like him to be at my lower left hip, standing and looking noble.

Would I like a tattoo? Sure. Should I get one? Hmm..

I remember reading an article about whether it's fine for Christians to have tattoos. The final verdict is that it is perfectly fine for Christians to have tattoos, but it's all about the reason as to why they are getting a tattoo. We also have to be aware about - is it distracting for me to have a tattoo? Is it distracting to others? So these are the questions I have to consider.

When it comes to placement, I know people talk about having it in places where the skin won't stretch or anything (I don't know where those places are at, but if you know, let me know please). But I'm fairly set on where I'd want these tattoos to be. I guess a reason why I don't have a tattoo or might not get one is because I just like to draw on myself, but nothing permanent. That's why if I do get one, I have to put careful careful careful consideration of what I want and where I want it. I tend to want most of them on the left side of my body (if you've noticed in this post). I sometime wonder, "Why am I putting everything on my left hand? i.e. jewelry and the wrist tattoo?" I come to the conclusion that since I'm right handed, and it does more than my left, that the left and right work hand in hand. Meaning, my left says what I stand for and my right does what I stand for. MMM! You can quote me on that, hahahaha :]

Well, by the look of things, the chances of me getting a tattoo are fairly plausible. Will I get one? Sure. Will I get all the ones I mentioned? That'd be cool, but I dunno if I can handle it all.. haha. Lastly, I believe I should honor my parents and discuss it with them before seriously considering on getting one. When I do get a tattoo, I will write a post about it :]

Until then, it's just drawing on myself and temporary tattoos from Walgreens!

Semper Fi 11

Since it's 11/11/11, I think it's only appropriate that I blog about why 11 is my favorite number, and give a shout out to the veterans.

Okay, I'll be honest, the reason why eleven is my favorite number is because of this one Chinese drama, Smiling Pasta. Back in my junior year of high school, a friend of mine kept telling me about these dramas she's been watching, which were Smiling Pasta and When a Cat Loves a Dog (Canto pride baby).
Now there was a scene in Smiling Pasta where the lead guy gives a bouquet of roses to the lead girl (aka fiancee) and it happens to be eleven roses, not twelve. In that scene a girl in the background admirably points out that in the language of flowers, eleven roses represents: "in this one lifetime, you're the only one love". I don't know if it's true or not, but I just loved the connotation ever since.

Also, I just want to give a proper thank you to the veterans who have fought for our country. Junior year also, was the first time I helped with the Veteran's chapel at my high school. Oh hey look, junior year is grade 11! What a coincidence, haha! ^^
Anyway, I was still pretty shy in my junior year of high school, but also it was around that time where I tried to be less introverted. So I decided to put myself out there and talked to the veterans that came for the chapel. Let me tell you, they are such friendly people. I had a great time listening to their stories and it really makes me smile to know that they had a great time at the event too.

[if anyone is wondering, a chapel is a time set in Christian schools where the whole school comes together to worship and have a small message for about a half hour in the school day]

Sometimes it gets me thinking about the complex argument of war and whether people should fight in order to gain peace. I can't appease both sides, but I know that war is not pretty and if it can avoided, it should be avoided. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world, and sometimes, it can be the only answer. I'm not saying war is good, I'm only saying it can be inevitable, and I can only pray for the victims of war. The victims of war are not only those who are caught up in the chaos you see in the news, they are also the soldiers, the politicians, the people back home. I have friends who have family in the military, navy, air force, coast guard, and the marines. No one is exempt from the effect of war, but that's why it gives comfort to me, that God is watching over us, no matter where we are. He is in control, no matter how bleak the situation is. And I can see that same hope in eyes of the veterans I met that one day.

Even though I picked up saying "semper fi" from NCIS, the meaning itself holds so much more for the real soldiers. Though it's a marine term, I'm sure every soldier takes creed to be forever faithful to the country they love and the hopes they have for the future.

So take heart, never stop praying, never stop hoping, because Hope is alive.

Happy 11/11/11 Veteran's Day <3

Me: Why me God?! God: This too shall pass.

It's really hard to hear the truth about how God has a plan for everything that happens...especially something unpleasant happens to you. Like, how is something so painful going to help me? What is the point of all of this God?!

I recently had a long talk with my brother, one of my best friends. We just talked about what we were going through, and we were both going through some difficult circumstances of our own. My brother instantly touched base on the fact of God's sovereignty and that everything that happens to us has a purpose. I was upset.

I didn't want to hear about it, but I knew it was true. I just didn't know why. I told my brother, "Why? I just want to say, 'God, why? I already went through with this once!'" and I just started shedding a tear or two.
But I knew it was the truth.

My brother is someone I really look to for help for a lot of things: homework, games, spelling/definitions (yes, he has a wider vocabulary than I do. gg.), and so much more. He really is one of my best friends. It's great and at the same time, I sometimes wonder how I'm doing with my role as the older sister, haha. Well anyway, he inspires me in the way how once I tell him what's wrong with me, he doesn't hesitate to remind me of God's sovereignty. After he gave me a quick reminder how, in the difficult times, God is with us still and those difficult times are what help us grow and be stronger. It may feel tough and unfair, but it all works out for the better in the end. It still somehow was not good enough for me.

Me: But I'm like... I just want to say, "God, I already went through this once!"
Lok-Hin: Well... sometimes... it takes more than once for God's message to get across to us.

It was a bitter pill to swallow... but I swallowed it.

My brother was right. Lately, it really did feel like I was putting what I wanted before my priorities. Even though, I thought I was starting to finally do something right, then I get the rug pulled right from under my feet. Seems unfair, right? Actually, this is God's way of humbling me. Harsh as it may seem and feel (and yeah it feels really harsh right now), this is truth: what I'm going through right now, is God's way of humbling me. To remind me of what I did not want to be.

There's someone I really care about. Someone I felt so lucky to meet, and I still feel that way. Before I knew it, I wanted to be with this person more and more. I think about them a lot and hope that I don't text them too much to look creepy, haha... I really wanted to be right with this person. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I was honest with myself and with them about how I felt. We appreciated one another's honesty and I thought I was on the right track. But at the same time, I was starting to put my personal feelings ahead of what I always wanted. And it was starting to have me make the same mistakes I made once before.

I didn't want to hear what my brother or what my other friend had to say. I already knew the answer for myself. I just didn't want to admit it. I wanted things to go my way. I was using my personal feelings to twist the truth I knew, and I feel ashamed.
I ask, "God, I thought I was on the right track. Why are you not giving me this chance to change? Please give me another chance!"
Thing is... maybe I won't get the chance. This is nothing to do with the person, this is all about my own obedience. God knows the person I am and what I'm like, heck, He made me. He knows my feelings, my desires, my fears. Yet why is He putting me through this? Because He knows that through this, is how He gets His point across to me and my hardened heart.
On the flip side, maybe I will get another chance. But, will I understand the gravity of how my feelings can be affected by my own understanding? Will I be doomed to make the same mistake, or will I grow and do the right thing the next time? I earnestly hope and pray I will do the latter.

[A common question people ask is why Christians have this tremendous faith in the worst of situations. Why not abandon God? Honestly, it's because He did not abandon us. The bad times that happen in our lives all have some sort of meaning in our lives and in the end, we all become stronger through our faith in God. Why? Because He is with us in the good AND He is with us in the bad. He shows us the results of our struggles, whether it'd be closer relationships, stronger faith, humbler hearts, wiser minds, etc. The thing is, we might not see those end results right away. I didn't see an end result to some of my struggles till year or even more later! But the thing is, it's there! No matter what! That's why I believe God has not abandoned me and that He is refining me to be stronger, wiser, but most of all, humbler]

So yeah, I still feel upset about the hard truth, but at the same time, I feel relieved after talking about it with my brother. I don't know what God has planned for me ("what's tough sometimes is that we don't know exactly what God has planned for us" -- Lok-Hin) but... no matter what, I know that I'm in His hand. Also, it's a good reminder that, no matter what, all pain is temporary.

As for the person I care about. I really want them to know who I am, and that I really do care about them. I'm sorry for what I said, I could've responded better, but I am hurt that they haven't responded to my apologies. I will wait patiently and hope that in the end, it only leads to reconciliation and something better.

Lastly, for everyone else who's going through a difficult time (Christian or not), there is a God who loves and wants to help you understand and see the light in the dark times. There is not a bondage to religious rules or laws, but bondage to freedom and a relationship with He who sent His perfect Son to die, resurrect, and bridge the gap between us and God. For Christ became man to feel human pain, to understand and shoulder ALL the pain we go through, so we won't have to suffer the weight of sin.

Food for thought, so have a blessed night everyone :]

I hate being too emotional >:

You know when you get in a fight with a friend and you realize the gravity of the fault on your side? Well, it hurts enough that you look in retrospect and think, "Oh man, why did I do/say that?" but it's definitely a double whammy when you want to apologize and straighten it out with your friend, and they just don't want to talk to you; they don't want to hear it. And that's understandable on their part.

Anyway, I recently got into a fight with a friend, and believe me, not one of my proudest moments. In my last post, I mentioned that I'm an emotional sort of person. Sometimes that's a good thing, other times... not so much of a good idea to let your head run right over reason. Despite being emotional, I'm usually very level-headed and understanding. But for some reason, that moment, I just decided to be selfish and say what I felt. I got back a pretty expected answer, which I deserved, but at the same time... man that hurts.

It made me think about how I responded once to another friend last year. Man, I was too emotional and it was pitiful. My friends assured me that they were in the wrong too, but I look at myself back then and think, seriously dude, it wasn't worth crying over (no, I did not cry this time, I'm a big girl now). Part of the reason why my friendship with that person is a little tainted now is because I wasn't being honest with myself.

Now, I'm more honest to who I am and it's been great. It's not like I completely changed, but I'm more outgoing now, I'm more confident in who I am, but... this emotional thing. Eh. It's a good thing I'm honest in the fact that I'm an emotional person, but at the same time, I have to be in control with which emotions I let out.
Going back to the recent fight with my new friend, I tried justifying to myself that "I was just being honest in what I felt. I was just being myself, right?"

Wrong.

I mean, yes what they said might've really felt rude on their part, but at the same time, I was also in the fault. I could've just said, "Oh okay, that's fine. Don't worry about it." Instead I decided to get snarky. But before I realized that I was acting like I did back then...it was kinda too late for me to sincerely apologize. I admitted that I overreacted and I wanted to speak with them to let them know why I said what I said. But, I haven't heard back from them yet.

[you know that awkward space in time where you want to make things right, so you just leave messages of wanting to apologize and reconcile, but you don't want to send/talk too much or else it makes you look desperate? yeah, worst feeling.]

I always ask myself, "Why am I still like this? I hate being such an emotional person. Why did I take what they said so personally?" Right now, all I can say is, "Whatever happened, happened. Now suck it up and be patient." Simply because, there's no point in stressing out over it. I said what I wanted to say and it's time to just wait for their response. Maybe they're not as mad as I thought, maybe they just need time before wanting to hear what I have to say, maybe their battery died and didn't get my messages. Bottom line is, I can't force them to listen to me.

So, right now I'm just going to wait for them. Hopefully they'll forgive me and, we can come to an understanding. As for the emotional thing: I just have to keep my emotions in check, and think about whether it's worth the trouble in hurting both them and myself.


(pssst, it's not!)

"... I found the one my heart loves."

Though the book Song of Songs has received mixed responses, it is one of my favorite books in the Bible. It may be because I'm an emotional and or a romantic person, but I don't see the book as necessarily an erotic book. It's simply romantic to me.
I guess what I like about it is that God wants romance in our love, in our relationship with our spouse. There is not only passion, but also maturity in the three reminders saying,  "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Songs 8:4)

I also appreciate Solomon and his wife's mutual desire to be role models and looking after a friend, a sister, who is not yet an adult and inexperienced in love. This really hits me in what I'd love to have in a relationship: spiritual maturity and growth. Being with a man who pushes/encourages me to love Jesus Christ more and more, to always be hungry for more of Jesus, and who loves me second to Christ, I will be very much blessed. I also hope that I will be able to do the same for him.

Sometimes that sort of relationship feels intimidating for me, because it can mean being in difficult situations where my plans may be interrupted by God. However, I know that God's plans are greater than mine. Still, I know that when it happens, it might cause me hesitate; I can only hope that I will made humble and follow His plans.
When my husband is in a low point in his life, I want to be able to patiently help and work with him. Maybe he won't need or want my help, and when it comes to that, I want to patiently wait, pray, and know that God is with him and helping him overcome even when I can't. Because He is greater than I am.

Though I am not ready to be in a committed relationship, I certainly look forward to it. Not because the emotions are there, but because he is my best friend and I see Christ resounding in his life.

[Something that some Christians misunderstand that just because the person they like is Christian, they should just go for them. However, that is not the right way to look at it. Yes, whether or not the person is a Christian (a growing Christian!) should be your first filter. BUT are you two even compatible? I know a lot of great, Christian guys, but would I date them just because of that? Probably not, because we don't have too much in common. Plus, I don't think God wants us to date/marry willy nilly solely on the basis that we share His gift of grace. There's gotta be some more chemistry and connection.]

Well, back to my original reason of saying all of this... ^^;

This past year, my parents bought a pair of Mr. and Mrs. coffee mugs (the cutest things, they got a nice modern look). Inside the rim of the mugs, is this saying: I found the one my heart loves. - Song of Songs 3:4. Ever since, that verse has stayed in the back of my mind. It would just come to me in the most random of times (commuting, school, meals, in the shower), and each time, I think of my parents' marriage and I think, "I want to have that".

I know I'm still a ways away from making the second most important decision in my life, but... I'm excited and I will wait for the day when I look down on my left ring finger, where there sits a silver band, with words inscribed on it "I found the one my heart loves."

< yes, that's what I'd like for my wedding band :] >